Streaming anxiety

I have streaming content anxiety.

How do I pick? How do I choose? What should I WATCH?

The Roku screen lights up. My eyes dart from app to app.

Netflix?

Hulu?

Amazon?

Vudu? What even IS that?

The Roku CHANNEL? There’s a CHANNEL?!

When faced with too many choices, it is much easier to make no choice at all, or just pick the familiar choice.

Netflix, here I come.

Okay, why is a trailer already playing at the top of the screen?! I didn’t CLICK anything! Ah, I better click away so the trailer stops! Okay, it stopped.

WAIT, now ANOTHER trailer is playing! Stop! Stop playing this trailer from some Netflix original! Another Netflix original! I can’t keep up! I can’t watch ALL of these movies and TV shows, can I?

Hmm, let me scroll down a bit. What are these categories? Netflix has created so many categories for me! Cerebral slapstick femme fatale movies? What? How did Netflix come up with that category? What kind of algorithm created that? eh, let me keep scrolling.

Oscar award winning movies based on true crime stories from the Northwest in the year 1971? That is VERY specific, Netflix. I dont even LIKE true crime, but I did talk about a true crime case in my house yesterday with my friend..

…Netflix, are you LISTENING to my conversations? UGH, of course. But it’s okay. You offer me such wonderful entertaining for so CHEAP! I can forgive you! what would I DO without you? How did I LIVE before you? Okay, keep scrolling.

Ah, good ol ‘Recommended for you’ category. Wait, why are you recommending more true crime, Netflix? I told you, I don’t like true crime. Do you even know me?

And what’s THIS category? It’s called Netflix Originals You Will Love.

Why are you pushing Netflix originals on me, and why do you think I’ll love them?

You know what, Netflix? Stop it. Just. Stop. You offer me nothing but endless options. I am, quite frankly, OVERWHELMED by you. Just back OFF, will you? WILL YOU? NO, stop playing that trailer! Stop it! Stop pressuring me to watch everything!

I’m out of here! I’m done with you, Netflix!

Vudu, here I come. I need a change, Vudu. I need a big change. Don’t disappoint me.

 

…Wait, you have ADS? UGH!….

I wonder if Netflix will take me back…

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