You haven’t written anything yet!


This is you. I am writing to inform you that you have not written anything yet. You worry yourself. Why aren’t you writing lately? You used to love to write. You would often tell yourself that writing was your passion, your gift, your calling. You feel that perhaps you were wrong, or that you just went in a different direction in life. Or, perhaps, life went in a different direction. You feel you cannot relate to the world anymore. You wanted to write for a newspaper. Now, you don’t like to read the news at all. You feel the news must be click-bait, above all, and that is not true news. That is internet bullshit.

You are not a writer. You are a person on the internet who actually paid WordPress for a personal web address for a year. You thought, maybe you’ll make a few dollars off ad revenue. You felt slightly odd about that, because you feel ads are one of the things that is very wrong about the internet. However, you are still merely a human, and you dream about having a ‘side hustle.’ And, what would be your side hustle? Writing a blog! Of course!

You made zero dollars. You cancelled your WordPress plan.

Sometimes you write  a blog entry on Sunday afternoons. You use a few ‘tags’ so bots and other bloggers will ‘like’ your post. You wish they would actually read your blog. Sometimes they do. The bots do not. The bots are taking over the internet.

You miss the internet from 1999. You are out of touch. You are not evolving with the times. You need a new phone. You need a hug. You need to exercise more. You need some validation. You aren’t getting it from you. You will not fill your head with false ideas.

Perhaps you were not meant to be a blog writer. Perhaps you need to accept this fact.

You know, I always found you to be someone I can’t forget. You know, maybe it’s because…well….



Crapola is nothing new

My dad liked to save crap. So, I have a crappy newspaper from 1958. There is an actual HEADLINE titled ‘Molested’ and it’s about a girl who got..molested.And it includes her picture…WHAT THE HELL.

Another headline is all about Bing Crosby’s son getting hitched to a woman that Bing Crosby also dated….YEP….

There’s also a page devoted to Social Security Lottery. Is it your lucky day?! Maybe your social security number was entered into the lottery and uhhh…now you won!

Imagine that contest today, in the era of our personal information being sold everywhere at all times.  I’ve been told my whole life to not disclose my social security number all willy nilly. (Is that the expression? I’m pretending it is 1958 and I don’t have google..’

So, upon reading this paper, I realized…

People were probably not super duper classy in 1958.

,If you dont believe me, here are the photos.


These days, it would be more like, ‘I  didn’t tell dad I married, because he isn’t on Snapchat.’



Is your social security number gonna win ya a bucket of cash?!






I’ve been walking on this nice trail.

Every 1/2 mile, I’ll look down and see a bunch of rocks with inspirational messages written on them.

ACCEPTANCE- Accept yourself, and your life will be beautiful



I would like to leave a retort rock.

ACCEPT…..even if you’re, say, a serial killer? Or what if you like to throw inspirational rocks into the ocean? Should I ACCEPT this character flaw?!

I’m too sarcastic I guess. I don’t find inspirational rocks very inspiring. I just want to lunge them into the ocean. Who is this person that thinks they have all the damn answers, anyway?!

Speaking of inspirational rocks, I hear the suicide rate is rising in America. Even inspirational rocks cannot keep the despair from clouding over the general population.

I wondered why the suicide rate is up. Are we getting more unhappy, or are we more open about how we’re dying. I remember when my dad died, the newspaper said he ‘died of a disability’ which was a really sugar coated way of saying ‘he died of a tumor in his head.’ We shouldn’t be afraid to talk about death, but we are afraid of it. And I don’t think inspirational rocks help deal with the real crap in life. Like, we’re supposedly living in the BEST TIME EVAR but we’re all sad and anxious. There has to be some actual discussion about where we are going wrong. And were we are going right.

Inspirational platitudes just don’t do shit. They aren’t based in reality. How about rocks that say..

I know your job sucks sometimes, but doesn’t it feel nice to walk on this trail? (PS lunge this rock into the ocean after you read it)


Pizza is pretty good. But ya know, maybe don’t eat it for dinner every night whilst you frantically upvote Reddit comments.


Look, it’s okay to do nothing sometimes. American culture tells you to go go go go go and be a special snowflake 24/7 but sometimes it’s ok to just fucking sit and be incredibly average…(but once you’re done, would you mind getting off your ass and responding to the 200 work emails you received since you left the office?!)

Well, anyway. It’s almost 1 PM and I’d really like another coffee. Or should I continue sitting and doing nothing? Ah, the world of choice.