Freeform day 1

Every day, the thoughts rumble around in my head. I have been having trouble putting my thoughts (rumbles) to ‘written’ word. So, I will start free-forming. I’m just going to pontificate on a topic that happened to bounce around in my head on the particular day I have decided to type words onto a javascript-enabled web platform.

Today, a few rumblins’ rumbled in my head.

  1. Drugs
  2. Mugsy, my neighborhood dog from the 1990s.

Which topic seems more interesting to YOU, dear reader? If you even exist? Who is reading this?

Let’s talk about drugs. I have felt that we humans are not ‘allowed’ to ‘dive deep’ into our psyche unless we’re inebriated in some form. It feels socially acceptable to have ‘deep thoughts’ and ‘find the meaning of life’ if one’s brain is sufficiently pumped up with LSD or some equivalent mind-altering drug.  But if I felt I had some euphoric, mind-bending experience whilst entirely sober, you would likely raise an eyebrow. You might even raise someone else’s eyebrow, but ask permission first.

Why aren’t we allowed to have life-altering experiences when we are sober? Or…why don’t we allow ourselves to be in touch with our inner selves when we are sober?

I think we have been molded to conform. When we do drugs, we are allowed to temporarily break out of the conformity, and connect with ourselves. In every day life, you are expected to be sober. That is how we function. That is basically how we always functioned. I’m no historian, but I don’t know of any society that managed to outwit evolution whist completely stoned on some sort of drug…

I still feel we are not allowing ourselves to feel ‘connected’ to ourselves without the use of any drug.

I might just be nuts.

But if you really want to feel connected, you need to spend time with yourself. You have to drop the phone, and you have to lunge the ear phones and just BE with yourself. It’s spooky.

It’s been awhile since I’ve just let myself ‘be.’ One time, I walked around Boston by myself. It was a summer day. It was the first time in a long time that I spent time by myself. In a city, you can be surrounded by people and feel alone. But you can bypass that feeling by drowning out your thoughts with a cell phone or music in your ears. I just had myself. I felt a part of me change after that day. A shift in my head. Something changed about how I viewed myself. I let myself be alone with myself, and I was okay with myself.

Perhaps if I had dropped some acid, I would have been SUPER okay with myself.

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