Being somewhere else

I went somewhere else, and my mind came a little bit alive.

We were driving up a never-ending hill to some place in Martha’s Vineyard. MY mind wandered and twisted and bounced around. I guess I felt some level of anxiety. Ever since 2013, traveling has made me a little anxious. And this barely counts as travel- Martha’s Vineyard is an island off the coast of Massachusetts. The anxiety was nothing compared to how I felt on my flight to Rome. Sometimes I can’t believe my anxiety ever got that bad. I thought I’d never recover, but I have recovered a lot. Still…once I travel, the anxiety comes back a bit, but so do thoughts.

thoughts thoughts thoughts thoughts. Anxious thoughts? Thoughty thoughts?

I think about my dad a lot lately. I think it’s because I think about my own age and mortality a lot, and my dad is stuck in time. He’s 40 forever, but I’m not stuck in time. (yet) I keep marching closer to 40. closer, closer, closer. Soon, I will outlive him. I’ll be older than my dad. Because he’s stuck in time.

All dead people become stuck in time.

The world keeps changing, it’s barely the same world as the world he left in 2000. And the world will just keep marching on, but the dead just stay stuck.

Usually, I don’t felt comforted by ocean tides, calm noises, birds lightly flying ahead. I always think of this quote by some self help dude, ‘if you need to get out of your own head, go somewhere where you’re reminded of how small you really are in the world’ and he means you’re supposed to go look at the vast ocean, or go hike in the mountains…so I’d go drove my body to some ocean and stare at it. I’d still feel all wrapped up in my own head, the useless, ego-driven thoughts plopping around as the ocean ebbed and what not. Then I’d drive home and feel the same as always.

This time was different. I sat and stared at the ocean for about 20 minutes. It wasn’t boring. It just…was.

 

Well, anyway, time to lighten up this blog…

I just sneezed!

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