Sometimes I think about how weird it is that we’re inundated with other people’s personal information now. Imagine if, in 1992, you had piles of Status Updates waiting in your mailbox from a bunch of people you haven’t talked to since that time you all graduated high school and decided to never speak again..
OH, GOD DAMNIT, did you empty the mailbox like I asked, Agnes?!
No, I thought WEdnesday night was YOUR night to clear out the Status Updates! I did it Tuesday!
Really, my gym instructor from Planet Fitness, you know, the place in Kingston I used to go to in 2014 for 4 months? She sent FIVE updates today! One of them is just a picture of herself with some sort of dog face mask on?! What is THIS?!
That’s it, we’re chopping down our mailbox! ENOUGH!
WHAT? Agnes, we can’t NOT receive and give status updates–Those people without mailboxes, they’re just a bit odd, they don’t accept modern society! WE NEED A MAILBOX…oh God, here comes the mailman! It is 6 PM, prime retweet time, ugh! Let’s close the mailbox door and check this crap tomorrow. I hear mailbox checking makes us all depressed anyway……Okay, one more peek. Just one….just one more…one….
:five hours later:
Agnes Blertude, age 30, crushed to death by a barrage of status updates and retweets that flooded her mailbox and fell on her head.
So sad. What an age we live in.