Millenial confessional: I eat bread

I tried being a low carber last year. I was super into it. You see that picture of me HAPPILY (that’s my smile..) holding a low carb recipe book? Yep. I was all, ‘listen, guys, bread is bad. Stop eating it!’ I’d secretly try to avoid eating the pasta in dishes at my sister’s house. She asked me if I had another eating disorder. You see, like most teen girls at the turn of the century, I thought I was overweight and needed to get thin ASAP. I was always on some weird ass diet. I remember once trying Atkins in 2002, after my uncle told me all the amazing(ly gross) things I could eat.

Cheese (which I love)

meat (not so much)

and that’s it.

This was not what Dr. Atkins himself actually endorsed. Well, he’d say you should, you know, eat some fucking vegetables, too, But the Atkins diet got all warped and fucked up by the media and people trying to make a buck, so you’d even see things like…LOW CARB BREAD….Atkins low carb BREAD! That boggles my mind as much as low fat ice cream.


ice cream is fat.

bread is carb.

what the fuck is low carb bread?!

Anyway, my low carb diet didn’t last long. It was tough, but the thing is, I think we’d all be better off eating low carb.

maybe I’ll return to it. maybe I don’t know how to find a good balance. I get super intense, and sometimes, that’s a hindrance. Like, at what point does an eating lifestyle become a bit maladjusted? Did I really need to swear off bread forever? We know the shit is addictive, we know potato chips and cookies are bad, and the marketing is aimed at children, and we all know soda is like pouring spoonfuls of sugar directly into your bloodstream….

but can we find a balance with junk food?

Or should we avoid it, like we avoid cigarettes?

I know I feel better when I eat more veggies. But I also love a good piece of dark chocolate, or a peanut butter cup, or a piece of cake at a wedding.

And i also know sugar is similar to a drug, the way it interacts with your brain and pleasure centers.

What’s a poor ol elderly millenial to do?!



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