Why is this so hard?

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Why do I have such a battle with the internet? I go weeks feeling like I have a handle on my internet addiction. And yes, I know we’re ALL addicted now. I don’t care if internet addiction is normalized. It offends me when someone says, ‘julie, just use the internet in moderation, just STOP using it this way, or that way, just turn OFF notifications’ because it feels rude. You don’t tell an alcoholic to just drink beer in moderation. To just cover all the labels of Budweiser that their roommate keeps in the house..to just learn to sit in a bar every day, for hours, and not feel tempted to order a glass of merlot. But that’s basically what people say to me, when I say I have a problem with my internet use. I spent this morning on Instagram. I never feel good afterwards, but that’s what I did. It feels hopeless sometimes. How exactly am I supposed to just ‘not’ use the internet in 2018?

In moderation!

Don’t look at the stuff that makes you feel bad!

Everyone uses the internet this way now. it’s part of the WORLD.

 

But what if I am just incapable of scrolling these mindless apps like ‘normal’ people do? what if it really does hurt me, a lot? what if I can’t equip my monkey brain to be able to handle the modern age?

And  every day I wonder why I think so much about all this shit. Why can’t I just be normal and learn to love mindlessly staring at a glowing screen. Why do I just want to throw all these beeping electronics out the window.

Maybe the problem is me.

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3 comments

  1. I feel your pain. Everyday I get up and spend about 4 hours on the net doing basically nothing. My life would be better if I didn’t. Right now I can’t imagine stopping. It’s not normal. It’s certainly considered normal now, but it isn’t. It’s a problem for all of us. Some of us are willing to admit it and look at it. Others are content to remain in the trance.

    Like

    1. Sometimes I go through periods where I barely use the internet, except for useful purposes…then I feel like I BINGE or something..like today, why did I stare at Instagram for hours? It doesn’t make me feel good.

      I don’t want to remain in the trance. I’m trying to find better ways to spend free time. More reading, more writing, less scrolling mindless apps. It is hard, though. Thanks for reading my blog. It’s nice to know I’m not alone with these thoughts.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Can you imagine how most people would react if they were asked to give up the internet for one day? Or even just to take all social media off of their phone? I think most people would reject the idea. We are all addicted. We all need to be doing what you are doing.

        Like

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