The year 2027, predictions by me

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The future of delivery:

We’re about 10 years away from having the Iphone 40 surgically implanted into our skulls. This will enable us to order our Amazon items telepathically. No more awkward encounters with the amazon delivery guy. The items will be flown right into your window by Amazon’s best employee, Drone #50000404034.

I hear that drone only missed one day of work. His daughter got married. To a human! #robosexual rights

no more calling 911

In 10 years, we will have lost the ability to make a phone call. In the future, you’ll simply telepathically say ‘ok Google, dial 911’ inside of your fucking skull, and 911 will be called. By 911, I mean a bunch of robot EMTs. Also, why did you leave your robot wife outside for so long, anyway? Shit, you know the older robots can’t sit outside too long. What, you think it’s time to trade her in for a newer model, you sick bastard?! Just ship her off to be refurbished and sold on Amazon?! Typical. TYPICAL!

Cars will be for the rich

In a future of automated cars, you won’t get the privilege of owning a…manual. I mean..an automatic? Well, whatever the hell you drive now, just kiss it goodbye in the future! Cars will be a luxury for the rich. The auto will be the horse of the future. To own a horse costs much money. to own a car..well, okay, a car can be pretty expensive. But tell me, can you buy a used horse today, for cheap, that you know will break down ina  year, but you just need a rusty ol slow horse until you can afford a new horse, perhaps a leased horse that you still cant afford, or perhaps a financed horse with a 7 year loan repayment period at an interest rate of 6%? hmmm?!

The answer is..no. I think. And in the future, your broke ass will be taking the auto-cars to get around. Driving will be banned, except for on luxury speedways, where Zuckerberg and the Uber CEOS drive around in circles whilst millions of bitcoins and debit cards fly out of the back of their cars (because cash wont exist anymore!)

So, you, with no job, will take the government run auto-cars around town. Deal with it. Are you dealing with it? What do you mean I sound insane?! That’s pretty rude, stranger.

We will be jobless, except for like, zany youtube content creators, and the guy who uploads compilation videos of people falling down

That’s right, the future is a future without employment. The service sector is first, but you’re next! Oh, look at you, with your high paying whatever job. you disgust me! Oops, sorry, I slipped into jealousy mode there. Ahem. I’m just saying, automation is pretty set to take over everything. Even your therapist. Robo-bob 1000 will be programmed to feel all necessary emotions, but he’ll be quite logical. Robo-bob is here for you. He’s here to listen. and he’s here to save your life. all hail robo bob. Did you know your real therapist also has their own therapist? Do you think robo-bob has a therapist? nope, he is enlightened, a higher being, really. Okay, one time his hard drive short circuited and he accidentally deleted the president’s Twitter account. but the president forgives him (president Kid rock, in 2027) and you should, too.

so, that’s it. How many of these predictions will come true? make sure to bookmark this page, set a google alert for 2027, and uh..yeah. Please do that. Validate my existence, ya know?

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