a brief moment of respite

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“Wait a minute, I am choosing to think about this. I don’t have to. It’s just a thought in my head.”

 

That lasted about 30 seconds. But damn. That was eye-opening. Imagine if i could eventually go an entire day living fully in the moment? Imagine no longer carrying around the memories of my past, at all times? What is that like?

We have our streaming thoughts, and they run wild. Well, they’re like this toy train I saw yesterday at the farm. It was just running, chugging along on its own. Giving no mind to anything else going on. that’s what my nonsense thoughts are like. It’s not really a conscious thing. It’s just a train of thoughts chugging along all day.

 

so, what’s my thinking brain, then? Something I control? something more deliberate? Logical? Something to tend to?

If my thinking brain is real, and my non-thinking brain (streaming thoughts) is real…..

I have two brains? Two minds? Then, who am I?

Am I the streaming thoughts that I dont control? Or the logical brain that attempts to shut down the unproductive thoughts?

Well, it’s all me. Whoever I am. I’m just an entity, part of the universe, like every other human. I’m not sure how to define myself anymore. What is the ‘self’ anyway? I wouldn’t even do half the shit I did a year ago. i havent morphed into a new person. but we’re not static. Even if you think you are, you’re not. some say people don’t change. In a sense, that’s true. We hardly ever sit down with ourselves, in silence, and try to find out who we are. so, it is definitely possible to just live your whole life, then feel like you didn’t do anything you wanted to do. for a lot of reasons.

I think I’ve made my point here. what, what was my point?

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